Sunday, September 4, 2011

It is days like this...

It is days like this, that make me want to throw in the towel. I want to give up. I don't want to me mom anymore. I debated weather to write this post and ultimately decided that it is my life. Someday, I really hope to be able to look back at this time in my life and laugh and wonder why it seemed so hard. I will preface this with this statement, I LOVE MY KIDS. I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world, but I am afraid I am failing one of them as her mom.


She has a cherub face, and that might be the only reason I let her stay. She is a physical and emotional tornado, and I feel like I am being destroyed by her storm. She is only happy when she is being naughty. If she is not dumping milk on the floor, or using cereal as confetti, or lathering her hair with baby oil, she isn't happy. She walks around all day crying because of non-existent owies. She cries that I won't hold her, and then as soon as I agree to pick her up, she cries because she wants down. She cries because she wants Spaghettio's for lunch and then throws the full bowl onto the carpet as soon as I put it on the table. She cries that Rae won't play with her and when Rae stands up to play, she cries that Rae hit her (which is USUALLY not the case). She cries that she wants to be potty trained, but digs poop out of the toilet to smear on the walls, floor, and anywhere else she can reach. (I still don't know why Rae REFUSES to flush the toilet!)

I have really tried this week to focus on her positive moments. When she is actually doing what she is supposed to do, I make a HUGE deal about it. We clap and sing and dance that Laynee is being so good. Her reaction to praise? She flips out. She throws the biggest tantrum you will ever see. She hates to be praised is the only conclusion I can come to.

I have also tried punishment, in the form of time out and losing privileges. She cries while I hold her in time out, but goes straight back to the behavior that put her there. When asked if she wants to go back to time out, even thirty seconds after leaving it, she will tell me that yes indeed she does want to go back. Losing privileges only forces her to be naughty, because there are no longer any toys to play with or shows to watch.

I have spent more than four hours over the last two days trying to prepare my primary lesson. I still haven't made it past the first paragraph. She can't play nice for more than thirty seconds, and Rae can only take so many beatings before she doesn't want to play anymore (and who can blame her). Even as I type this she has been on and off my lap three times and I have had to stop at least half a dozen times to stop her from doing something naughty.

I have tried redirection, Love and Logic, and trying to figure out her love language. Nothing seems to work. I have always told myself that it is just a phase, that her behavior will get better when she can (fill in the blank here). If I can't teach her to control herself, and how to be a functional person in society, I fail as her mom. We haven't made much progress in the last two years, and I am getting discouraged the future will hold a whole lot more of the same.

If you are still reading this, sorry. If you have any advice, I will gladly try anything at this point...

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Funny Girl Rae

Conversation with Rae today:
R: Dad, how old ore you?
J: 32.
A: That's pretty old Rae, isn't it?
R: That's really old! Daddy, are you going to die soon?!?
You should have heard the excitement in her voice as the conversation progressed!